


Maybe life isn't for everyone

by Ann8a



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: High School, Hurt, M/M, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8956162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ann8a/pseuds/Ann8a
Summary: Harry loves Louis but sometimes love isn't enough.





	

When Harry met Louis, he was full of life. A smile here, a laugh there. The class-clown. The prankster. Never has he said something awful about his friends. A talented football player.  
But Louis' teachers had a different opinion. “You're not good enough”, “You'll never amount anything”, “work harder” were thrown at him.  
And Louis worked his ass off. If he wasn't as smart as Zayn, it wasn't his fault. 

They didn't know that once he got home, he had to take care of his four younger sisters. They didn't know that his alcoholic father would throw empty beer bottles at him, calling him an “useless fag”. They didn't know that his mother worked every shift she could get in order to keep her children fed. They didn't know that Louis worked night shifts at the local fabric so he could help his sisters to pay for class trips. They shouldn't have to miss out on something because their father wasn't helping paying bills. And most importantly they didn't know that his arms had more scars than anybody could count.

And Louis was good at pretending. Nobody knew. If it wasn't for his sisters, he would've never been able to get through his day. If he did not put that big smile on his face, he would've not been able to hide his fucked up life.  
But he did. He got by day by day, scar after scar, blade after blade, tears after tears, screams in his pillow, smile after smile, laugh to hide himself.

 

When Harry bumped into Louis on his first day at his new school, Louis was late (he had to drop off his sisters beforehand and his father wouldn't stop hitting Louis). He was rushing to his locker and Harry was looking at his timetable.  
“Opps” - “Hi”  
“I'm sorry, I didn't see you!”, Harry said.  
“No problem mate, I'm Louis! You new?”, Louis pushed his classes up and hid his silent whine as a laugh because it was his lucky day and the boy hit him right where his dads' hand had been this morning.  
“Yes. I'm Harry. Sorry again!”  
(And later on Harry would blame himself how he's never seen the signs.)

But now they got on like a house on fire. Louis, the social butterfly, showed Harry around. Invited him to their lads night, he'd be late to because one of his sisters would have the flu and his mother would be working late. But nevertheless, he'd show up and pretend he was fine. 

“Hey Lou, did you see this one yet?”, Harry shoved Louis his phone in front of his eyes with a playing cat video.  
“No”, Louis laughed. Harry was addicted to animal videos while Louis was addicted to his razor blades His addiction was hidden away though.  
And he was fine. Nobody would ever know. And one day, once he'd finished school, he'd move out and live his life. At least that was the plan.

 

The first time Harry kissed Louis, they've known each other 3 months. It was all romantic. Harry spent hours to get ready and plan everything. They went to the new restaurant, that had just opened last week. Then to the ice cream parlor and last to the park. It was a perfect day. (Louis hadn't sliced his wrist open this day, his mother was home and his father wasn't)  
They kissed under the stars. It was November and colder outside. But Harry had to take Louis to get ice cream because “that's what matters the most! If you don't like cookie dough ice cream, I won't date you!”. They could see their breaths in the clean air outside. It was so quite that the only thing they could hear were their hearts beating and lungs breathing.  
And Louis just stopped when the y had walked around for a few minutes. Harry had turned around, looked him into the eyes and whispered: “I really, really wanna kiss you right now”. And Louis had nodded and said: “What's stopping you?”  
And that was it. They kissed. They didn't want to let go.  
Louis got home 2 hours late and his mom couldn't even be mad because of how happy Louis was.  
She's never seen him so blissful.  
And that was the first time in forever that Louis felt at bay and thoroughly happy. (It wouldn't last long, his dad would come home in a few hours and destroy his happy bubble with shoes throwing his way.)

The first time Harry noticed something was off, was when Louis would flinch every time Harry touched his arms and tried to do more than just kissing. Louis had build up the perfect wall around himself. And Harry took it down, step by step.  
At first Harry knew about Louis' part-time job. He'd eventually told Harry about it. With the reason to just have a bit more money to spend on stuff, not his sisters.  
Then Harry figured out Louis' moms situation and the conflict Louis got into because of taking care of his sisters and alcoholic dad. Louis was embarrassed when his dad got home drunk and started attacking Louis while he was cuddled up against Harry. “Fag! What do you sssss-think youuuuu are DOING? Get out! Isss not normal!”, his dad had slurred-screamed. Louis put him to bed the best he could while kicking Harry out. He didn't talk to him for 3 days.  
But Harry wasn't one to give up. He showed up and talked it out with Louis, said he'd get them help. Louis refused. He'd be alright, he'd said. It'd work out eventually.  
Harry helped babysitting. He helped in every possible way. And it just wasn't enough.  
It's not Harry's fault. It's not. But he still blames himself.

The first time Harry saw Louis' scars was when Louis ran away from home. His parents got into a fight. His sisters were at sleepovers. His dad came home drunk and beat Louis. His mom started screaming, his dad started hitting her. It was just a big fight. His mom took off after she made sure, Louis was out of the house. He just ran. It was freezing. Almost Christmas. It never felt any less christmas-y. Louis' hoodie got bigger ad bigger, and maybe Louis was just getting thinner. If he'd had been asked when he last ate, he wouldn't've known.  
Harry undressed him because he was dirty and wet, freezing and shivering. He put him under his warm shower, let him cry and scream. Harry cried with him. And maybe he should've known then but it's not his fault.  
He traced Louis scars. The old ones, the recent ones. He'd kissed them, told Louis it would be okay, he'd get him help. Louis refused. Cried so much he passed out because of exhaustion. And Harry held him.

The first time Harry knew he wasn't enough, he cried and screamed. It was just after Christmas, Louis' mom was working, as always, Louis' dad was sleeping, snoring and reeking of alcohol. And Louis cut himself open. The scars had no ending. His bathroom was tinted in red blood. And Harry couldn't help. He just wanted it all to end.  
Louis cried. Didn't know what to do with himself.

The last time Harry saw Louis, he was dead. Didn't make it into the new year. Maybe he committed suicide, maybe he died of exhaustion.  
And it was probably a good thing his alcoholic dad passed away just 3 days later.

And maybe it was a good reassurance when Harry's therapist told him that just maybe life wasn't for everyone. 

When Harry stood at Louis' grave a year later he whispered: I hope you find the happiness that you've been pretending to have.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, just felt like writing. It's my first text here. I hope it's okay...


End file.
